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The Burger Of Eternal Fullness


  02:30:50 pm, by Nimble   , 466 words  
Categories: Distractions, Common Sense, Science

The Burger Of Eternal Fullness

In a wonderful (cough) thread talking about cancer prevention and why-is-there-so-little-focus-on-that which turned into a thread of big paranoid ranters versus skeptical rebutters, there was a comment that caught my eye that just gave me a chuckle:

The answer is obvious: Preventing cancer doesn't bring in any money. Unless the pharmaceutical industry wants to start selling cookbooks and gym memberships. It's *exactly* like McDonalds. How would they feel if someone invented a hamburger that kept us full forever? Drugs=McDonalds=BIG BUSINESS

Well, yeah, how would they feel? Huh?! HUH!???

So I had to just run with that thought and write a little hypothetical conversation...

A: "Why is nobody doing any research on hunger prevention? There's no profit in feeding somebody once. Then McDonalds' managers would be out of a job."

B: "Chances are really good you're going to get hungry, maybe even hungry for burgers. You can't avoid hunger forever, not even for very long"

A: "Breatharians can go for months without food, but people today just want to ingest their energy from elsewhere and stay inside. Sunlight and water is all that you need. McDonalds puts uric acid in their burgers to make people addicted and there is no vitamin C in meat which causes malnourishment"

B: "No, Breatharians are caught either with outright food or with high-calorie buttermilk. Uric acid is in all meat as well as our own bodies, and vitamin C can be got either by ordering the OJ or eating a Flintstones if people want to be lazy about it. Wait, aren't we going off topic a little?"

A: "Green Crystal Foods just came up with their Unhungry Burger. I'm going to be full forever! Take that, you stupid McClown!"

B: "What? I hate to tell you this, but there is no possible way that could work. Besides which, weren't you just saying there was a giant conspiracy to suppress such a burger?"

A: "Go eat your stupid toxins, you corporate shill. Looks like even with all your lobbying efforts, the TRUTH will OVERCOME."

B: "Oof. I'm outta here. You're crazy."

A smiles.

A goes to the health food store and buys one Green Crystal Foods Unhungry Burger.

A - hours later - "Hmmm, I still feel hungry. Can't be, though."

A - more hours later - "Okay, I feel even worse. Where's the packaging?" "Okay, if you feel something like hunger, it's just your body naturally rejecting previous toxic food. Stick to the program - the feeling will pass"

A - days later, weak - "Is there something I can do about this hollow feeling?" (feels for the packaging again) "Okay, if you are feeling hollow or weak, then you may have done something to inactivate the Unhungry Burger. You may need some Crystal Foods Unhungry Burger Reactivation Booster, just 3 for $25."

A goes to the health food store...

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